Can Chickens Swim?

The theory that chickens can swim will probably stir up a debate when discussed amongst any group of intelligent human beings. Some will say that it is absolutely unbelieveable to think a chicken can swim and others will argue why not?

Some of the arguments I have heard people use to dispel this theory are as follows:

1. They don't have webbed feet.
2. They don't have waterproof feathers.
3. They are too heavy and will sink.
4. They lack the ability to right themselves in a water environment.

It would be a formidable question to attempt, simply because it wouldn't be easy to find answers to. Chickens are naturally averse to any huge expanse of water such as lakes, rivers, ponds and the ocean. A chicken would never attempt to swim on its own, and when dropped into any form of deep water, would exit the water with a mere flapping of its wings. Hence, it would be quite arduous and prohibitive to put this theory to the test.

Then the time came when I had the very opportunity to put this theory to the test. That was when I was working as the resident veterinarian of a poultry farm. So decided to find out once and for all if chickens could indeed swim. One fine sunny afternoon, I tucked a 5 week-old chicken under my arm and I climbed up to the water tank situated above the poultry house. I then deftly placed it into the water. I then quickly covered the lid of the tank but left a space of about half a centimetre and peeped through the gap to see what would happen next.

The much awaited outcome? *drum roll please* The chicken swam round and round the tank happily! No signs of distress, anxiety or struggling throughout the whole half hour as I stood there observing it closely. It remained afloat, buoyant as a duck!

Yes, chickens can swim very well, just as horses, cats and rats can too! Yes, so the folklore of the Pied Piper of Hamelin was both fictitious and delusory! The only species that probably needs to be taught how to swim would be humans. We would otherwise drown quite naturally. How's that for superiority in the animal kingdom and what we consider the most intelligent animal species on this planet?!

Could Not Keep It Up!

The early years in clinical studies draws my memory back to a time when my female lecturer-cum-clinician excitedly called my entire class of eager third year students to the large animal surgery room. Sitting quietly at her feet was a handsome German stud...an Alsatian as some may call the breed. My lecturer, who taught us small animal reproduction, was considered a specialist on the subject. She had recently taught us artificial insemination (AI) for pet animals at length but only in theory, and was eager to inaugurate the practical, hands-on side of the course. She was now intent on teaching us how to perform canine digital manipulation. That is of course, the polite veterinary term for masturbating a male dog to collect its semen for AI.

Spermatozoa can also be collected from dogs using electroejaculation and pharmacological methods. However, the most common method of semen collection in the dog is still via digital manipulation, or what some vets may call digital stimulation. Under ideal conditions, this procedure is performed in the presence of a bitch in heat. However, there happened to be none available that morning, so we had to carry on in good faith. After all, our lecturer was young and atractive...which we thought would be a good substitute for the stud!

Canine digital manipulation is a rather straightforward procedure and not as tricky as it sounds. Initially, the dog's penis is vigorously massaged through the prepuce at the level of the bulbus glandis, which is the caudal-most aspect of the prepuce. This is continued until a partial erection develops, where there is initial engorgement of the bulbus glandis. The prepuce is then quickly retracted past the bulbus glandis and firm constant pressure is applied to the penis behind the bulbus glandis by squeezing the penis between the index finger and the thumb. Pelvic thrusting may occur following application of pressure behind the bulbus glandis during the development of a "full" erection. Ejaculation, which follows shortly after, is composed of three fractions of ejaculate: first (sperm-poor), second (sperm-rich) and third (prostatic fluid).

After quite a lengthy speech on the procedure she was about to engage, my lecturer began massaging our Shepherd boy. She rubbed and she rubbed as she knelt beside it, one hand grasped firmly around the length of its penis while the other held a collection tube. As the small crowd gathered around these two action heroes, I could hear sniggers and whispers from my cheeky male coursemates at the back as to how experienced she seemed for a young, single female. It took her quite some time, but she eventually got him aroused and rock-hard. But she needed the ejaculate...and it hadn't come! Soon, the stroking action was wearing her out slowly but surely, and she was switching hands due to aches and cramps in both arms due to muscle fatigue. We admired her ambidexterity at the moment as this had never been described in any of the textbooks we had read on digital manipulation!

As we continued to wait impatiently for the orgasm to occur, our enthusiasm started to die down slowly, and along with it went the virility of the dog. We literally saw its reproductive tool shrink in her vigorously undulating hand. Whether it was due to crowd pressure, inability to perform in public with the many pairs of eyes fixated on it, or because it had simply lost interest, we could only guess. She motioned for it to continue standing, calling out its name every now and then as she continued to massage its doghood, but to no avail. She just could not resurrect its limp member! We stayed with lecturer and dog throughout the entire length of an hour-long period in what soon became an awkward circumstance for both demonstrator as well as students. Watching in silence, no one dared to even make a single sound or remark.

The demonstration on canine digital manipulation did not come to its intended end that fateful day...and our lecturer tried to offer a few reasons as to why the dog had failed to produce semen for us, but the highlight of our day was the look on our young lecturer's face - crimson with humiliation and completely frustrated...simply priceless!